Fifty first dates teaches you a thing or two, especially with more than half being blind dates from various online dating sites. Having recently rejoined eHarmony, I am probably testing the definition of insanity.
Here are the guidelines I follow to keep safe and avoid wasting time on unworthy gents.
Rule #12: Know Where the Exits Are
Actually, just be prepared… Wear comfortable shoes. Bring mints and/or gum. Make sure you’re cell phone is fully charged. Have a pal whose prepared to bail you out via frantic-phone-call in case your date is a real nightmare.
Rule #11: No Drinking
It’s reckless and in no way classy.
Rule #10: Don’t Talk About Kids
I don’t care how loud your clock is ticking. I don’t care if the entire biological purpose of dating is the instinctive desire to procreate. Kids have no place in first-date conversation. Also, if you go starry-eyed around babies and small children (like Miss Alpha), steer clear of activities that are packed with little ones.
Rule #9: Don’t Waste His Time
If you think it’s going nowhere, let him know. A quick, precise yank and you are both free to pursue other interests. Also, it keeps the crazy-stalker types at bay. If you’re nice and vague about the rejection, the nice/dense/persistent guys never get the hint. Rip the Band-Aid and do it fast…. before things get too serious.
Rule #8: Never go back to his (or bring him to your) place on the first date.
First of all, you run the risk of going farther -physically- than you originally intended. Second, he could be psycho! Third, if he is a decent guy, you will seem too easy and/or available. Honestly, don’t you have some awesome friends to meet up with afterward? I think you do.
Rule #7: No attachments
This is your chance to be weary and keep a watchful eye on your dating prospect. Guys have a tendency to “plant seeds” which means they tend to warn you about things before they do them. For example, if they talk about being a free spirit they are probably flaky. If they have a love of adventure, they are probably going to disappear and be unreliable. If they have a passion for gambling… need I go on?
Watch, listen, learn. Let them show you who they are before you get in too deep.
Rule #6: No guys with guitars.
Any guy who talks heavily about [music, poetry, his band or acting career] is probably either narcissistic, flaky or full of crap.
Rule #5: And no dudes with makeup, either.
I made this mistake ONE TIME. It later turned out that he lacked a car, a detectable waistline or any resemblance to his posted photos, but he had some wicked eyeliner application skills…
Rule #4: No Fatties
Unless you’re into Fatties, like this one girl I know. Find someone who matches your activity and fitness level, otherwise you will get frustrated trying to change them.
Rule #3: Drive Separately
Let’s face it, you might hate each other. Even worse, he might be psycho. Have your own means of transportation to get safely home.
Rule #2: Always Start with a Coffee Date (even if you don’t like coffee)
The worst thing that can happen on a coffee date is being stuck with a lame guy for 30 minutes to an hour over a warm cup of chai tea. If you opt for something more complicated and time-consuming (like dinner or bowling), you might get stuck with someone you don’t like for hours or worse…
On the flip side, if you do the coffee date and wind up liking the guy, you get to spend an hour or so with minimal distraction just getting to know each other.
And finally, the commandment you’ve all been waiting for….
Rule #1: Cardio
I have wanted to tear my shoes and bolt from more than one online-blind-date. There was even one time I spent several minutes mapping the best places in downtown Tempe to duck out so that he couldn’t follow. Then, one time, I actually found myself jogging away. It was like being a kid let loose on the last day of school.
Also, exercise makes you feel confident, sexy and powerful. Who doesn’t need a little of that out there fishing in the polluted sea of online dating?
Good luck, ladies, and Godspeed!
