Overthinking? 7 Habits of Highly Mindful Daters

Smart people have the hardest time finding love because they overthink, overanalyze and generally treat it like a math puzzle or science project and not like the natural, biological process that it is.

The most important part of connecting with a romantic prospect, or anyone really, is being totally present. This means egolessness, consciousness and keeping the mental noise on the lowest volume possible. It takes work but once you lay the foundation, it’s much simpler.

Here are Miss Alpha’s tips for building that foundation:

1. Eat healthy
Sugar, caffeine, aspartame, flour, and excess salt all create agitation which make our minds race. We get used to it, we get addicted, and it causes us to manically over-think. If you want to be calm, start with the right fuel.

2. Exercise.
When you use your nervous energy to work out, there’s less fuel for that useless, noisy, mental fire.

3. Meditate.
Meditation clears the mental clutter. It creates the ability to focus and really listen and connect with others. It relaxes you, which builds confidence regardless of alcohol intake. Meditation allows you to be authentic.

There are a different types of meditation. I highly recommend “Mindfulness Meditation,” which means clearing the mind and stopping all thought. This video walks you through the process. Please do not be afraid of the quiet that is inevitable. It’s a good thing.

4. Take time for personal reflection.

Journaling enables you to see your own behavior patterns – both good and bad – and being aware of what behaviors create your life is the most critical part of making changes.

5. Recognize that “mind-reading” is presumptuous and arrogant.

No matter how well you know someone, even someone who is an open book, there is always more to that person. Let their actions speak, get to know people during the time you are actually engaging with them. If all else fails, consider how insulting it would be for someone to presume that you are so simple, they’ve got you all figured out?

Per the immortal words of Jack Johnson:

Now please don’t pretend to know what’s on my mind
If we already knew everything that everybody knows
We would have nothing to learn tonight.

6. Stop daydreaming!
Feel free to daydream about your future life, your ambitions, traveling the world, falling in love, but don’t attach it to a person. People build fantasies about their romantic prospects and are easily hurt when things don’t line up. If you want something, speak up and ask for it. If you can’t do that, it’s time to find something else to think about.

7. Accept it.
If you want to succeed, you have to do what works. This means recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with your person, it’s just the behavioral ruts that you’ve created. While it’s not fool-proof – I still obsess and fret all the time occasionally – with a little discipline, things get a lot easier.

We worry because we think that worry gives us control over what the other person may do that affects us… but that is simply not true. Worrying it not a superpower. All it does is create stress and detract from a more luscious and fulfilling existence. So take a deep breath and realize that you can’t control others, you can only control yourself.