Miss Alpha is on Hiatus

The last few weeks… or well couple of months… screw it let’s go with the last two years… have been completely insane! Divorce, heartbreak, job loss, a constantly rotating cast of friends and frequent pendulum swings between boredom and exhaustion. I had to rebuild my entire life from scratch and there were no rule books. Good times were had, painful experiences were survived, lots of lessons were learned. Writing and unrelenting optimism kept my heart beating through it all. With each step in this journey, I created guidelines in my own heart to minimize risk and maximize joy.

Recently, I asked the Universe for my blind spots to be revealed. Something was blocked but seeing it on my own was impossible. I remained open to whatever the Universe had to say and it was incredibly painful and exhausting. Once the door was open, things rushed in. Left and right, all hours of the day, men and women. People had some nasty things to say, but there was also some amazing feedback. Where people had once kept mum, they were suddenly possessed to speak up. There was crying and screaming and lots of warm hugs. I was drinking from an emotional fire hose and I wasn’t even thirsty.

There are worse ways to drown than in the caring and support of people who truly love you and believe in your success. I am completely humbled.

Amidst the many lessons learned, I realized I don’t want to give advice. The more I learn about love, the less qualified I feel to advise people on it. I can help with behaviors, as behaviors set the tone for whether other people will respect your emotions, opinions and time, but as for how you feel? You have to look inside your Self.

Not into your brain

or to other people

or to your past.

The only true compass in love is your own heart.

With that, I have looked into my own heart and am – at least for now – signing off as Miss Alpha. I want to write privately and focus all of my energy onto actively loving the people who love me. For the first time since my heart was shattered two years ago, I am going to throw my self into something as if it’s the last helicopter out of Saigon.

If you need anything, I am here.